Illegitimate Animals; Hybrids that (thankfully) don’t exist.

Squirrel + Mantis = Squantis

Take me to your nuts!

When a conventional relationship with a member of your own species involves decapitation and cannibalism it is easy to see how something like this could occur. Given the immense differences in the genes it is extremely unlikely. Yet it could explain why children in many countries closet themselves away with their video games and exhibit an unnatural fear of parks.

Pig + Octopus = Porktopus

This animal is not Kosher.

I’ll be willing to bet that this is what god sends in to punish Muslims and Jews who do not abide by their dietary laws. Weather it’s one of those awful parasites you get from eating underdone bacon or part of this complete Japanese breakfast, I’ll forgo the chops till we reach port.

 

Bee + Sheep = Beep

Adorable death!

Their honey tastes like lanolin and their hives are made of cheese but these pillow-sized cuties are willing to defend their home mercilessly. Beeps use their soft stinger-less bodies to smother their enemies in what has been described by witnesses as the cutest/most hilarious thing a human being can behold. A good thing to remember when faced with a swarm of killer Beeps is that no one will help you. They are too busy filming the spectacle with their camera phones and forwarding it to their friends. Remain calm, and run through a field of grass to distract the fluffy fiends.

 

Koala + Gorilla = Korilla

The right to bear arms!

Australia is home to all of the world’s most dangerous creatures; funnel web spiders, box jellies, fear snakes, and humans to name a few. So what’s a hapless Koala to do? At best you are no more formidable then say, a raccoon, and while raccoons are still pretty dangerous, they are far from being Australia dangerous. So you join a gym, lift some weights – somewhere down the line you notice your beautiful country has become a wasteland of uprooted eucalyptus trees and flattened dingoes, but such is the price of power.

Kangaroo + Rooster = Kanga-rooster

Jurassic Poultry

Here I go sending another monster to Australia again, as if they don’t have enough. While drawing this picture it occurred to me that this thing would probably be pretty dangerous if it existed. Imagine, if you will, having to out run one of these after ever-so-carefully fishing eggs out of the hen’s pouch between a set of wings that could punch you in the face at any moment. Sure, the thigh-meat would be endless but you would really have to earn it, which brings a whole new meaning to the phrase “Hunger Games.”

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19 thoughts on “Illegitimate Animals; Hybrids that (thankfully) don’t exist.

  1. Haha, I want a Beep now!

  2. rastelly says:

    So would I, but my home is currently
    overfilled with dragons, turtels, dogs,
    cats, and crickets, not to mention the
    coloney Korilla’s in the back forty.

    It was the Beep that started this whole
    thing. It is a rejected logo for Mouton Honey.
    My uncle has a small farm where he raises
    chickens and keeps bees. My Aunt wanted
    a logo for the eggs they sell – I drew her a
    rather elaborate chicken – then as a laugh
    drew a crude cartoon of an egg popping
    out of a confused sheep. (Mouton is french
    for sheep – we had taken to calling their
    eggs mouton eggs – as Mouton is their
    last name.) The cartoon I drew in two
    seconds was chosen over the chicken
    I drew in two hours – now that they are
    produceing honey I considered the bee
    sheep but figured people either woulden’t
    get it, or would find honey produced by a
    sheep to be of questionable quality. So instead
    I will send them a bee on the forehead of a
    cross-eyed sheep. I was so proud of the
    beep that I threw in some other oddities
    to create this post. I intend to finnish the
    logo by Easter but felt as if the origional
    Beep was bounceing off my head – (They
    can’t take rejection.)

  3. hilarious- just amazing. loved the description and the pictures. 🙂 thank god that they dont roam around.

  4. rastelly says:

    The Kanga-rooster especially. 😉

  5. Claire Lopez says:

    I nominated you for a Sunshine Award. Check it out at http://www.claireclopez.com! You rock!

  6. Excellent Rastelly.. great art and wonderful scripts too.. Very funny… Enjoyed this post .. Loved the Korilla…. 🙂 well all of them,..
    Hope you had a great Easter :-).. ~Sue

  7. time for next post wake up sleepy head!

  8. did you painted these pictures! they are amazing beyond petty compliments they are terrific!

    • Shubho Nabobarsho my dear friend! May all your dreams come true and fill up your life with beauty and joy- this year and years to come by!

    • rastelly says:

      I met a girl who taught me that a photo
      editing program that came with my computer
      could do images as well, the leaves and grass
      in the korilla scene were applied with a leaf &
      grass shaped spray painter – Many of thease
      were done using a layering effect that allows
      you stack images on top of eachother and
      work without damageing the one underneath.

  9. rastelly says:

    You are really too kind. 😀

  10. rastelly says:

    Thanks then 🙂

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