Mad Science with Mother Nature.

With a new year just beginning and prophecies of doom in the air, geneticists have decided –

“What the heck, let’s make some monsters. After all, it’s twenty twelve and the people will be disappointed if nothing crazy happens. Sure, the world could end, but if it doesn’t, we’ll have a literal Jackass to keep you up at night.”

It’s simply what happens when you compine donkey DNA with jackrabbit DNA. If you prefer you may call it a haronkey. (Hare+Donkey)

Unfortunately that wily lass, Mother Nature has beat us to it, having been turning out Haronkeys for ages.

Meet the Patagonian Mara or Cavie.

Elusive in the wild and monogamous – (They mate for life.) this eleven pound critter is a taxonomist confuser. It is all rodent – the world’s fourth largest, and grows up in herds tended by only a few adults.

If danger threatens on their watch they stuff the kids down a hole and run. Which seems like a good idea until someone calls child protective services. Mara’s raised in captivity are said be social with humans, and are occasionally kept as pets. Which would explain all the stories of small children having to be fished out of wells.


Too cute for ya?



Meet the Gastropede – (Gastropod + Centipede) Centislug or more officially, the velvet worm.

This one is truly mind blowing. It lives in tropical regions in the southern hemisphere and looks like a cross between two of the earth’s more disgusting creepy crawlies. However it still manages to be ever-so-slightly cute.

It’s behavior is something us mammals will find familiar – females bear live young who then stick around in tight-knit and isolated family groups.

Clans fight fiercely to defend the rotting logs they live in from murderous outsiders, and when prey is spotted all participate in the hunt – lassoing dinner with spectacular slime cannons mounted on their heads.

Size does matter. Females are the biggest and the alpha eats first. She reminds her underlings of who is boss by climbing on top of them. Kids often ride the adults but no one cares. After all, they are just kids. When two meet they seem to compare their respective sizes before choosing a course of action. This is all made possible by one of the most complex brains a small invertebrate can be blessed with.

Lets us try something a little more insane.

Why? Because we CAN!

Crossing an elephant and a baboon spider yields something that is horrifying but still disappointingly small. It may not be able to devour whole villages but most will agree it is plenty big enough.

The – arachniderm. (Arachnid + Pachyderm) is another invention nature has beaten us to.

Rather then joining two very distant relatives in unholy matrimony, she has merely taken the common hermit crab, and super-sized it.

The Coconut crab is native to the Philippines, and as the name implies it enjoys eating coconuts, climbing trees and cutting down fruit with it’s powerful claws.

Little is known of the life and habits of this otherworldly, and by some accounts tasty, arthropod, but rumor has it they sneak into peoples houses at night and – steal their pots and pans.

Weather these giant hermits are merely in search of a portable home in a world that lacks giant seashells, or simply protecting themselves by hampering our ability to cook them is uncertain. Either way, Lovecraft needs to tell these arcane horrors that they are doing it wrong.

Not crazy enough?

Why not combine the world cutest endangered poster child with a germ. After all, panda’s are endangered, germs are here to stay weather we like them or not. If one must acquire a deadly disease wouldn’t it be a comfort to know that the critters crawling about in your veins look adorable under a microscope? Guess what, such a critter already exists. Gee, thanks nature.

Look! It’s waving at you!

Fortunately the Ameba Panda – affectionately named, Amanda, feeds solely on moss and algae and is in no way harmful to humans. This is especially fortunate because it lives on every single inch of the earth’s surface – and apparently – can’t be killed.

Meet the water bear, moss piglet or specifically – the Tardigrade. Capable of withstanding 1,000 times the radiation needed to kill just about everything else, and able to survive in the vacuum of outer space. One wonders if that isn’t where it came from.

Welcome to Earth, little guy.

 Images and info courtasy of who else? -Wikipedia. Thanks for the free stuff. Someone send them money because I’m broke.

16 thoughts on “Mad Science with Mother Nature.

  1. Missus Tribble says:

    LOL that crab totally freaked me out until I realised what it was!

    Great pictures and I love your humour 🙂

  2. rastelly says:

    Glad to hear there is someone who
    hasen’t already seen that picture – 😀
    however I don’t think the trashcan
    is all that large.

  3. Only you could think up this post and then pull it off so well! I’m still laughing. . .

  4. rastelly says:

    Enough now, my ego’s big
    enough as it is. 😉

  5. Sharmishtha says:

    happy new year! Wish you a wonderful year filled with happiness and every thing wonderful.

    mother nature beats us in almost every thing. earth is full of so many surprising things!

    • rastelly says:

      Good to see you again. 🙂

      • Sharmishtha says:

        i am glad to be back too. i love to read but lately i was bitten badly by movie and writing bug. 🙂

      • rastelly says:

        Video games have been
        snagging my attention. A
        close friend of the family
        bought me Skyrim. Greatest
        christmas surprise ever. I
        didden’t ask for it cause I
        knew I’d be dead to the
        world for mounths – and I
        was right. It’s fantasy
        RPG Heroin. At least
        your doing something

  6. Sony Fugaban says:

    Humor is a word you define so well. 😉

  7. rastelly says:

    Thanks for the love. 🙂

  8. That crab is flippin’ scary…..

    • rastelly says:

      I read about them once
      when I was little, I only
      saw a drawing but was
      impressed by it’s reported
      size. The photographs
      are unreal. Of course –
      there are much bigger
      crabs – that look even
      more like spiders – but
      they can’t leave the
      water. People eat those
      too – so it seems they
      have more to fear from

  9. Cindy N says:

    This made my day 😛 but that crab is so scary

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