Bohemians At Large

Warning! These colorful nonconformists or coming! They are not quite anarchists, not quite hippies. Like hipsters you probably wouldn’t have heard of them, but the threat is real. Report any you have seen.They are armed and dexterous. More are born every instant and I strive to capture each and every one!

URBAN KNITTERS

Tea cozy? Hows about a tree cozy bi-och!

Citizens be warned, what started as a minor invasion of colorful critters has now become a blight that is sweeping the nation. Tired of rejection at the hands of ungrateful nieces and nephews, disgruntled aunties are laying siege to our public places with intent to clothe the world in their tacky creations. What’s worse – they are teaching this outrageous haberdashery to our youth, who in turn defile our sacred monuments with unflattering lumpy sweaters and blasphemous woolen caps.

“I had no idea they’d use it for evil!” Screams Miss Flutterbe as her coven of quilters are questioned for their involvement in peddling this practice to impressionable teens. Authorities advise citizens to be mindful of the ever mounting cost to homes and businesses. That now must be dry-cleaned weekly.

Note, that this is not some yarn I’m spinning – it’s all (somewhat) true. Just Google Urban Knitting and be awestruck by the devastation these crafty cultists have unleashed upon the establishment, and marvel at the audacity it takes to drag a once wholesome activity into the depths of utter caous.

I’ve recently been informed that the days of this scourge are numbered. The U.S. Government – being the party poopers that they are, have released trillions of clothes moths upon affected cities. To this offenders have replied, “Crochet!”

   URBAN EXPLORERS

Is it Dr. Livingston or something more sinister?

 

Picture this, you’re a bored security guard in a creepy, old building no one is ever likely to use again, or lord forbid, some disillusioned soul who has sworn off the man forever in favor of a more liberal drinking schedule.

You hear footsteps echo through the empty rooms of your latest dive. An owl flies from the gutted rafters. It’s silent wings scattering the dust of fifty years. You hear the click of a gun being cocked, and wait in silence for your uninvited guest to show himself.

Surprise, it’s just some guy with a camera. “Hi I was just – taking some pictures.” He says. Yeah right.

Its been happening more and more in the darkest most forgotten corners of our communities. Persons calling themselves Urban Explorers are stirring up the sands of time and baring witness to history.

These intrepid rouges risk life and litigation to bring us the truth behind that creepy house on the hill, that once grand hotel, and that mysterious and dangerous network of tunnels beneath our feet. One may read of their exploits on many astounding websites – that shall remain nameless – for they have sworn me to secrecy.

To find them must one simply explore.

  GUERILLA GARDINERS

                       

I have planted the petunias, SIR!

The efforts of environmentalists to prevent deforestation has largely failed, but these tenacious tree huggers have teamed up with the worlds vegans to start a new Re – forestation movement. Old news, you say? What If I said they intended to do it smack dab in the middle of town?

Their weapons are shovels and pitchforks, saplings and bags of manure, and bombs. Yes I said bombs, seed bombs. These quaint little pods are often poured into gumball machines, for obnoxious children to purchase and plant. The pods contain what are purported to be ‘wild grasses’ which we all know to be a fancy name for weeds.

Dude run! It’s a sequoia!

“Who will protect our golf courses from of the ravages of ailanthus and buttercups? Who will keep the riff raff away frow our roses? Who will tell little Susie that those dandelions are not ‘real’ flowers?” cries the public as vegans launch phase two of the plan.

Yes sir – ee, the veggies are coming. Soon we shall be so deep in broccoli that we’ll have to eat our way through just to reach a McDonalds. Chances of having any more room for chicken nuggets are slim. (One starts to see a method to this madness.)

Slowly it creeps across empty lots and vacant parks, up the walls and balconies and into our homes, tempting us with the sent of tomato flavored tomatoes, and the shade of its all-encompassing oaks. Resistance is futile!

(eats tomato.)

DISCLAIMER

Insiders advise activists to be wary of food grown in contaminated soil.

A prehensile tail may be useful, but it will make you a lot easier to catch.

 

Advertisements

8 thoughts on “Bohemians At Large

  1. S Basu says:

    by exploring the knowledge stays in mind 🙂
    and the joy is enhanced by the surprise.

    • rastelly says:

      Exploring is the best way to learn. That’s why children know more about their video games then their schoolwork. Too bad teachers can’t incorporate more
      of that into their lesson plans.

  2. So fun and funny! In my neighborhood, I am often greeted by the friendly, homey sight of street signs wearing funky sweaters. I wonder if it’s some underground conspiracy– (if so, what does it mean?)– or just random acts. I wish I could knit so I could do one, too.

    • rastelly says:

      Lucky you. I’ve never seen this in person. I stumbled upon it one day
      while on an urban exploration websight. Someone had photographed
      some strange yarn graffitti and identified it as some weird voodu fetish.
      Another person laughed and posted a link that lead me deeper into this
      whimsical world.

  3. VeeDub says:

    This is a great post! I’ve seen some great pictures of yarn bombing (the Wall Street bull!) and now I feel compelled to start knitting or crocheting- I think Buenos Aires could used a little bit of fuzzy love.

  4. I remember reading about those urban knitters/crocheters! I like their form of rebellion, but I don’t know if I could take the time to make something and just leave it outside! I may have to think of an indoor form of this “hit and run”! Hmmm…

    “Bohemians At Large” is a cool idea. We need our own chronicle. 😉

    • rastelly says:

      I have another post featureing three more Bohemians in the works.
      Though I doubt I will ever find anything as awesome as that yarn.
      Crazy as it sounds there are many artists willing to subject their
      hard work to the elements, I guess it’s part of their statment or
      something.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s