In Dreams Begin Insanity

Sterling recently posted a very interesting article or dreams.

Once in a blue moon I’ll have an extremely complex and vivid dream. Sometimes I’ll even realize it’s a dream. Some people like to look for meaning in their dreams. Perhaps because their dreams make sense. No rhyme or reason seems to exist in any mine. Perhaps I should go ask Alice.

I do find them funny though. Here is one I’d like to share.

The Purple Llama Adventure.

       I was making my way out of a crowded theater, looking for my brother and my cousin. Cars were lining up outside to pick up movie-goers. I heard someone shout my name. My brother Eli held open the door of a white Volkswagen Bug hung with oversized Christmas ornaments. A smiling man in dreadlocks welcomed me in as Jamaican music blared on the radio.

      I had never seen this man, let alone his strange car but my brother seemed to know him so I squeezed past the mass of people in my way. Too late! My ride was forced to retreat down the line by the idiot directing traffic.

I waited and waited for them to come back around. I suddenly had to pee. Surly a quick trip to the restrooms wouldn’t cause me to miss them again.

I meandered through the maze of humanity – past the buffet of donuts and other treats put out by the staff. Never once did I wonder why a theater would even have a buffet.

I asked an attendant where the restrooms were. She pointed to an unmarked door in the back.

I figured the restrooms were somewhere behind it and stepped through into the longest hallway I had ever seen.

Stained wooden paneling lined the walls, the floor and the ceiling. Bright light shown behind me, and ahead of me. I couldn’t see where either path led.

Still thinking I was in the quote-unquote “real” world, I soldered on – for what felt like miles. There were no doors or windows on either side, just the endless stretch of brightly lit hallway behind and ahead of me. I started to wonder where the crowds had gone, why this hallway was so deserted.

A man carrying a small child on his shoulders walked by. He said Hello as if it was nothing out of the ordinary. I decided to ask him what the heck was going on.

“Isn’t this neat!” He said. “I thought my boy and I were the only ones who knew about this place. We come here all the time and explore.”

I asked him if they had ever discovered a restroom and he nodded. “Just turn around.”

Right behind me was the open door to a toilet.

It was as if angels were singing as I – wait a minute.

It began to dawn on me that this might be a dream.

I could feel myself waking but fought it.

There was a mountain of glazed donuts in the lobby.

I could stuff my face without consequence.

I backed away from the toilet (that action would have consequences) and raced back to the lobby. The donuts were still there but the crowds were not. An attendant informed me that they were free. I dipped a pastry in cinnamon roll sauce and took a bite – It was every bit as good as I had hoped. I ate until I got bored.

Again, I could feel myself waking, but I had to find my cousin and my brother. This may have just been a dream but my sleeping brain seemed to think that something bad would happen in real life if we remained separated.

In the parking lot was a man selling giant bibles out of his equally giant red pickup truck. He claimed to be a preacher and informed me that the robed figures riding in the back of the truck were his choir. Knowing that church folk tend to be charitable, I told him of my predicament and was allowed to come along. I climbed a ladder into the front seat and discovered that everything about the truck was giant – even the steering wheel.

It was so high up, the man could barely reach it, let alone see where he was going.

Things were crushed beneath us and people on the ground ran screaming as the preacher struggled to maintain his grip on a wheel he could barely reach. I climbed the dashboard and was surprised that he was managing to stay on the road, though everything else in the way was getting flattened.

We reached a town where there seemed to be a parade going on. The streets were lined with young girls in wedding dresses standing beside purple Llama-like beasts. I asked him what was going on and he mumbled something about heathens.

It was in this town we stoped for gas, and narrowly missed the white volkswagon as it pulled out of the station. The Preacher offered to chase them down in his truck but I feared he would crush them. I decided to call my brother on my cellphone instead.

That is when I noticed one of the Llama girls staring at me. “My spirit animal will help you find your friends.” She said, handing me the reins of something that was more like a hump-less camel then the Llama it resembled from a distance.

Up close, it was big enough to ride.

I only had to hang on as it carried me across the country side with lightning speed. It’s purple fur smelled like grapes. Not a smell I usually like but it wasn’t intolerable.

We soon caught up to the white bug. It stopped. My brother Eli got out and laughed. “Where the heck have you been?”

I tried to climb off the grape camel but the beast had other ideas, tearing across the horizon and forcing my companions to keep up.

The ornaments were torn off the little white bug as we raced each other through a brick-red desert, Jamaican music blaring from the open windows of the car. It was around this time I awoke. Wondering if there was something in the water.